By break-up, I mean the things that have ended, the things you have decided to stop doing, or the things that you wanted to take a break from.
Be it a monotonous routine, an unproductive habit, a heartbreak or the conclusion of a relationship – anything you can think of. Overcoming it makes you feel you‘re the bravest human being that ever existed.
The past months were tough- a few drastic changes in my personal, social life and routine, unresolved issues from a relationship that withered, apologies I cannot acknowledge, some friends I had gap with – all of which, the people around me barely knew I had gone through. The last thing I can do for myself is to jot it down and let the burdens slip away. After all, writing is my second best friend. As they say, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. But the tough also need a break sometimes.
The past years have purposely stuck me on a routine I’ve been doing for as long as I can remember. Something that was my happiness ground for quite a while suddenly made me feel that I am not doing it as healthily as I did. It doesn’t exactly make me happy the way it used to anymore.
My confidence as a child was a struggle – I was one hell of a shy girl who kept what she knew, bottled up feelings and never told anyone how she felt. Ask me if I’m okay, I’d tell you yes. Ask me if I’m mad, I’d tell you no. Yet at the back of my mind, it says otherwise. The past years of this so-called “social” life has sprung me from being an extreme wallflower all hidden in a shell, to this much more confident woman that I am now. It took me years to build that.
But then again, priorities change. Some things will need to take the backseat for now. I have to say NO to some things. I’m faced with opportunities that would require much of me – reason why I decided to keep all accounts private and filter what I post online. Yup, I’m not up to neglecting all the blogging stuff, because I’m not me without it. At this point I would prefer more substance and quality posts – ones that would be pertinent to not only me, but also to the readers.
Along with the personal changes, I came from an unhealthy relationship which was immaturely ended not so recently. To some it was shallow, but it made me realize a lot of things. I recalled the times I pretended to be clueless, when I totally knew what was going on – we were up to no good and it was not going to work. I don’t know why I kept on believing someone who have kept my hopes high and let them remain hopes. What struck me most was not that it ended, but how it ended. Even for the last time and chance when I very much deserved a proper apology, a mannerly confrontation or a respectful exchange of thoughts and goodbyes, I had nothing.
I guess you just gotta stop believing especially when you know that the other person’s not gonna make it happen.
I wanted to entertain all the anger I felt, but thought twice, for the sole reason that it wouldn’t change anything. I finally listened to what everyone around me was telling me – those things that I tried to defy for quite a time. And then I thought, the end of it all was actually a favor to me. It made me realize that not all chances are worth giving a second try. It made me realize that I wanted so much more than what I got. That I could actually get treated so much better. Not from that person, but from someone I have yet to meet. I came to realize we weren’t any better together. At least not anything more than friends. It takes two grown up people to be in a relationship, not one.
When bad thoughts outweigh the good points, it’s time to take the high road. Stop defending yourself. Be the bigger person. Stop trying to argue and spare yourself from a tiring cycle that does you more harm than good. Choosing yourself over other people and things isn’t selfish, it’s having self-respect. Free yourself from all the drama, forgive no matter how hurt you are, forget all the bad experiences and learn. At the end of the day, you’re thankful for the experiences, the lessons and the person that once made you happy.
With all of that and a wee bit of quarter-life crisis, growing apart from your comfort zone and people, time is all you need to rethink everything – what’s worth keeping and what’s not. I tried to go on a hiatus from it all (thus the month-long inactivity on social media) and kept myself busy with work and opened up myself to an environment that’s new to me.
I loved how it went through. Being discreet from the usual routine made me realize I have better things to focus on. And so I thought, you outgrow some things because you find new ones to embrace, ones that will make you grow more. You have to welcome things and people that will make you happier and more appreciated. Now I’m glad I did 🙂
After going through all sorts of “break-ups”, here is what you always have to remind yourself with:
Unless you change the way you think, you will always recycle your experiences.
Go for substance and quality. Stop compromising and always, always do what will satisfy you.
Don’t bottle up your feelings. Express what’s inside you and don’t handle the burden by yourself.
Say NO – to immature attachments; and to BS.
Pay attention to what the people around you say. Don’t be stubborn. When they warn you about some things, believe them.
Don’t be so serious with everything, not everyone will be as serious as you.
Stop apologizing. For being who you are, and for having standards, for knowing your worth and most especially for the things that aren’t your fault.
Stop being too nice. Know when to say no and set boundaries.
Changes always make life better. Break-ups always make you stronger. So laugh when you can, let go of what you can’t change and take a break. 🙂